Do You Know That When You Go, I Fall Apart?
by CheerUpEmoXChick
Summary: Malex. Breakup to Makeup, I guess. Fic complete
1. I'm Not Cold She Said But She's Shakin

**Title:** _Do You Know That When You Go, I Fall Apart?_

**Pairing:** Malex of course. **Rating:** PG-13 (for language)**Summary:** Too lazy. All you need to know is that it's Malex-y goodness. **Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters. I didn't even watch 90 of season 2. **A/N:** As previously stated, I didn't watch a lot of season two due to the lack of time and a television. So this is just based upon the like 3 episodes I managed to see… in which it was enough to inspire me to let out my frustrations in the form of Alex and Marissa. Some of the dialogue used is actually lyrics to a song that I incorporated into the fic. Also, I am new to this, it's barely my second fic ever. (My first was a Brooke/Peyton One Tree Hill one)**Additional Comments:** + indicate song lyrics. "Taste of Tears" by Cauterize.

**Chapter 1: "I'm Not Cold," She Said, But She's Shaking**

Alex stood there in a daze, her hand still on the door knob. She swore this scene had played out in her mind countless times before but she never thought it'd actually happen. Suddenly it dawned on her. "It's just like that song I heard on that CD Marissa had on in the car the other day!" She mentally slapped herself for clinging to memories like that in times like these._Standing on my doorstep in the rain_

_Makeup running down your face+_

_"+You look so good right now+"_ Alex whispered, barely audible, but spoken loud enough for the brunette to hear. She felt her face get hotter by the second as she calmly looked away before meeting the eyes of a drenched Marissa Cooper. "Note to self: Never speak what your brain is thinking, out loud…" she said.

_+It's bittersweet that you run to me+_

Marissa flashed a sad smile towards Alex and finally managed to speak up, "Hey."_ +I need you, I bleed you, I would give up breathing for you. If you would take my breath and hold it in….+I need to be inside of you+ _both girls thought.

Without speaking, Alex gave Marissa a look that they both knew would say everything Alex couldn't say at that moment in time. So without breaking the uncomfortable silence, Marissa cautiously stepped inside the apartment for the second time that day. This time around, she was hoping for a different outcome.

As the door slammed shut behind them, Alex saw Marissa in a new light… partly due to the fact that because of the storm, it was really dark out and the street lamps had not kicked in yet. She saw just how vulnerable the tall and lanky girl was. How could she stay mad at her? Even if it was just hours before when she had just broken her heart to millions of tiny little fragments.

Marissa stared down at the floor awkwardly silent and very hesitant to let her ex-girlfriend see the tears beginning to form. Still, Alex said nothing. She couldn't get over the fact that the girl who had just turned her world upside down and sent her to what felt like the bottomless pits of hell by breaking her heart earlier in the day was standing inside the living room of her once humble abode. It was her only safe haven, even if it bore nothing but painful memories of a once great relationship between the two.

"Fuck it!" said Alex out loud. _+Show me where it hurts.+ _She moved closer to the brown-haired girl and threw her arms around her neck. Marissa immediately responded by beginning to sob and press her head firmly into Alex's soft shoulder. _+Show me what love's done to you. Don't try to move, you'll only make it worse than it is already.+_

Alex felt herself melt away again. She loved Marissa and it hurt like hell when she had decided that they were getting too close and that they should stop seeing each other for a while. _+You had to be so strong, and I had to be so useless. I'm always fucking useless, useless without you.+_

After what seemed like an eternity to Alex, she broke the embrace and guided Marissa to her bedroom. "Yeah, we should probably get you out of those wet clothes you're wearing" she stated, trying ever-so-hard not to ravish her right then and there. Marissa nodded her head in agreement and sat on the bed while Alex searched for warm and comfy clothes for the girl. Marissa still had tears streaming down her face when Alex turned towards her to hand her her favorite t-shirt that read "I Heart Mischa", a pair of boy shorts, and socks.

Tears ran down your face like rain on the window you were looking out. What were you looking for+

Alex stepped out of the room while Marissa changed. _"+I won't ask tonight+" _she decided. She sat outside of the room with her back pressed against the wall. She let her mind wander off a bit. _"+I need this, just one kiss, a gentle touch, your sweet caress.+" _She closed her eyes, sighed, and began to sing the lyrics to that damn Cauterize song that had seemed to plague the days events by being the soundtrack to everything that had gone on. _"+My heart will break my ribs if I hold this in. I must confess I hate myself for needing this…+" _She stopped reciting the lyrics when she heard a click from the turn of the doorknob and out stepped Marissa dressed in her clothes. "Comfy?" she asked.

I love our twisted little mess+

Marissa gave the blonde a genuine smile. "Yep, comfy" she replied. "We should sit down. Let's go to the kitchen and I'll get you a pop or whatever. That is, if you'd like to…" Alex stammered. "I'd love to," answered Marissa.


	2. Take My Heart If You Like The Beat

**Chapter 2: Take My Heart If You Like The Beat**

The girls walked to the kitchen with Alex leading the way and Marissa following closely behind. Marissa remembered her fight with her mom from earlier. It was the reason why she had broken up with Alex. :flashback: There had been lots of shouting, mainly from Marissa. Julie had threatened to take everything away if she continued to see Alex. She would not have Newport thinking that her teenage daughter was a lesbian. No way in hell would she let Marissa ruin her newfound good image. _"+I know it's wrong, but it just feels right+" _was all Marissa could repeat in defense as she stormed up the stairs in hopes of escaping the always-bitchy Julie Cooper-Nichol.

As much as she dreaded the thought of calling it quits with Alex, she knew there was nothing else to be done except to break up. So she made up her mind. She grabbed her keys and set off to Alex's apartment. She knew that if she didn't end it ASAP, Julie would come up with some scheming plan to run Alex out of Newport. God, she hated her mother with a passion.

It took half an hour before she could finally manage to step out of her vehicle. She hadn't even gone through with the break up and already she felt like her world was caving in right then and there. With a sigh, she walked up to the door and rang the bell. Alex answered partially knowing that it was more than likely going to be Marissa, so she made a conscious effort not to wear much clothing.

It broke Marissa's heart to see just how beautiful Alex was. The sparkle in her eyes set off a sharp pain in her chest and she almost had to run away. "Baby we… c-c-can I come in?" she stuttered. "Sure thing sexy" Alex said as she gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Once inside, Alex began to speak. "What's up sweetie?" "IHAVETOBREAKUPWITHYOU!" Marissa spat out all too fast to comprehend what she had just done. "WHAT? Why?" Alex cried out. "I can't say. It's for your own good, trust me. I'm really sorry. I am…" And with that, Marissa slipped out of the apartment and sped away leaving Alex in a state of shock.

Alex didn't understand. Her heart hurt. Everything hurt. And breathing? Well, at that time, it was like a foreign task. Alex sunk down into her couch and began to bawl her eyes out. "Why?" she asked out loud, expecting a response, knowing damn well she was the only one left in that empty ass apartment. After about an hour of thinking, she came to the conclusion that it was just too much to ask. Then she wondered how she'd survive.

She knew alcohol would only prove to be a temporary relief so she didn't even bother picking up a bottle. Work was definitely out of the question. She couldn't bare the thought of having to be surrounded by dozens of Newport richies downing beer and watching them make-out while the latest trendy emo band played in the background. The thought alone made her sick to her stomach.

She thought of leaving Newport…it had crossed her mind a time or two, but she loved Marissa way too much to just up and leave. Finally, she decided on sleeping the day away. And that's what she'd been doing when she heard the doorbell ring. When she opened her eyes and peeked out the window, she noticed that while asleep, mother nature had decided to take a turn for the worst and send down pouring rain.

"Ugh, what now!" Alex thought to herself as she rolled over in her bed. "Who the hell is here at this hour anyway? Fucking-A!" She continued cursing out loud as she finally got up from the bed. She had decided that whomever it was, she was going to go off on them for disturbing her slumber.

Her mouth dropped open at the site of a soaking wet Marissa Cooper. Slightly amused at her thoughts of "I'd hit it, I am in love again, and Am I still dreaming?" she stood there silently. Then she managed to embarrass herself by blurting out loud how good her ex-girlfriend looked standing in her doorway. :end flashback:

Alex grabbed a Dr. Pepper out of the fridge for Marissa and a bottled water for herself. When she faced Marissa and handed her the pop, her hand brushed against her former lovers and she immediately felt a sharp pain in her chest. Her eyes began to swell at the thought of everything that had gone on that day. She would give anything to go back and permanently erase this day, and to start over with the brunette by her side again.


	3. You Were Meant For Me

**Chapter 3: You Were Meant For Me, And I Was Meant For You**

_+The taste of tears is bittersweet tonight+_

"_+I'm scared as hell. It's about time that I tell you all the things that you should know, all the things I'm too scared to show…+" _Marissa thought to herself as she scanned Alex's face for hints of forgiveness. "We should" both girls started. "You first," again they simultaneously responded. This elicited a slight giggle from the girls which helped to aid in lightning up the somber mood a bit.

"Riss, I'm so sorry" Alex stated. "No, no, no, that's all wrong. You don't apologize sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong" said Marissa. "I did. I did the worst thing imaginable! I drove you away. I drove the only person that matters to me here in this fucking town away. And I spent a long time on the couch after you left assessing every little piece of our relationship longing to figure out the reasons why. Then it hit me. Maybe I was too clingy? Maybe I shouldn't of asked you to move in with me? Maybe I was too hard on you? I expected way too much of you, too soon Riss, and I swear that I didn't mean to push you away. I just…I am honestly crazy over you. I am so in love with you that the thought of having to be apart terrifies the shit out of me. Then it happened, I had to be without you, and it hurt like hell. I missed you like you wouldn't believe. So I just decided to sleep so that I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore…and so that I could be with you again for a little while in my dreams. Damnit Marissa Cooper, _+I need YOU, I bleed YOU, I would give up BREATHING for YOU.+ _I love you with all of my heart and I apologize for driving you to call it quits. Please forgive me?" the blonde pleaded.

Marissa placed her hands on Alex's shoulders and smiled. "I love you too." The brunette gently ran her fingertips down Alex's body and stopped once her hands reached the curves of her hips. She began explaining the situation, "You are way too fucking cute you know that? God, what would I do without you baby? Oh wait, I already know the answer to that, I'd fall apart like I did earlier today. I'm sorry. It didn't have anything to do with you or our relationship. Well…it did, but not directly y'know? It was my mom. She threatened to cut me off if I kept seeing you. Something about Newport and her lesbian daughter. You know how Julie is…everything is about her image. I didn't want her to do anything to hurt you so I had to come here and call it quits. After I left, I drove down to the pier and I sat there in my car thinking things through. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need my mother's money, nor did I need her approval. I thought it all through and I finally figured it out. I can get a job to support myself. I'll move in with you like you asked me to, and we'll be happy. I'll help out around the house, pay some rent, and did I mention we'll be happy again, because I want us to be happy again. I don't need Julie's money. It's really Caleb's money anyway; it's not like she did anything to earn it. It's about time I learn some responsibility anyway, right? I want to be with you Alex, and if it means having to make sacrifices, then so be it. And not even my mom can stop me from being happy this time around. I want all of you, and I want to make you happy. I want us. I want for this to work more than anything." Marissa cupped Alex's face with her hands and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Will you please give me a second chance?"

Alex offered nothing except the shake of her head. "Good, because I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me. And even when you get sick of me, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, or any time at all for that matter. I'm staying here, okay? Why aren't you saying anything? Alex? ALEX? I refuse to move until you say something Alex Kelly!" "Oh really now?" asked Alex in her smartass tone of voice as she grinned. Alex caught Marissa off guard by picking her up and running to her bedroom -- _their_ bedroom. Marissa laughed as Alex placed her down on the bed and proceeded to place strands of hair behind her ear. "So much for not moving…" she mumbled in between kisses.


End file.
